Film Analysis 2-Liar Liar

In communication, self-disclosure is the act of revealing important information about situations that is not obvious to other people. The information can be about personal feelings, or other's appearance, or anything. Self disclosure is important, but if done in the wrong way and at the wrong time it can be hurtful to relationships.

A good example of self-disclosure being harmful is in the movie Liar Liar. In this movie, a brilliant lawyer named Fletcher Reede (played by Jim Carrey) makes his career out of lying, or at the very least, not disclosing the truth. His ability to distort the truth has made him one of the best defense lawyers in the state. It has also cost him his marriage and damaged his relationship with his son Max.

Max looks up to him and loves him, but Fletcher rarely has time to do things with him. He always promises that he will spend time with Max, and almost always breaks his promises. He misses his son's fifth birthday party, and his son makes a wish that Fletcher will be unable to lie for 24 hours.

The wish comes true. Fletcher finds himself unable to tell anybody a lie for a whole day. This results in him hurting other's feelings and getting in trouble. In one scene, he calls an overweight coworker a "fatty." In another scene, he tells a girl that her hair looks awful. He also discloses to his secretary that there was no good reason for her not getting a raise, which makes her angry enough to quit her job.

The biggest problem that this absolute truthfulness creates for Fletcher is for his next case. This involves a woman who has committed adultery and is being divorced from her husband. Due to a prenuptial agreement, she cannot have any of his money if she commits adultery and gets divorced. She wants half of the money and wants Fletcher to help her. Before his son's wish, he had agreed, because winning the case would advance his career. To present an effective defense, however, he would have to lie, and he is now unable to do so.

Fletcher ends up going far out of his way to delay the case until the next day when he will be able to lie. He is unable to do this, but ends up finding a way to win it truthfully. After winning it, he gets a conscience attack and realizes he is in the wrong. He vows to make his family the priority of his life, and he succeeds by the end of the movie.

The element that struck me the most about this film was that absolute self disclosure can be more hurtful and cause more problems than lying, and that telling the 100 percent truth is not always the ethical thing to do. It is not only easier to withhold self disclosure; in some situations, self disclosure is wrong. For example, calling a coworker a fatty may be true but it hurts feelings and damages the relationship. In a situation like that, it is better not to say anything. On the other hand, never telling the truth is just as harmful. Breaking promises will ruin a relationship. The best way to go is to find a balance between self disclosure and lying. By following this path, one can avoid hurting others as much as possible.

One example of meta communication in this film is that Fletcher's ex wife, Audrey, is so used to his lies that when he tells truths she cannot believe them and calls him a liar. This almost ruins his relationship with Max. She thinks that he is lying about wanting to see Max, and almost moves across the country for good without letting him see Max. When she finally realizes that he is telling the truth, she forgives him.

The character that reminds me most of myself is Max. Max places a priority on spending time with his father, as I do. He also is upset when people break promises, as I am.

Looking Out/Looking In Chapter 11

Chapter 11 is about interpersonal conflicts and how to deal with them. Conflict is part of life; when people live together and have relationships with each other they are bound to cross purposes. How one deals with conflict will determine how healthy the relationship with another person is. Conflict can be found in any relationship that has significance.

The causes of conflict can include many things, such as incompatible goals, scarce resources, interdependence, and interference. It is not always harmful. If one manages it properly, conflict can help both parties. 

The easiest way to deal with conflict is to accommodate the other person's wishes. Sometimes this can be the proper solution, especially if the source of conflict is not such a big deal. If the other person is more important than what the conflict is over, one should sacrifice the source of conflict.

Avoiding the conflict can be similar to accommodating, but it is more harmful. If one does not acknowledge that there is a conflict, one often has frustration issues. 

Competing is to fight for what you want. This is the way to act if the source of conflict is more important than the relationship.

Collaborating and compromising are the other ways to manage conflict. The outcomes are similar for them, but collaborating causes both conflicting parties to win and compromising causes both parties to partially win and partially lose. 

There is no one good way to manage conflict. All the styles should be taken into account, as well as what the conflict is about and how important the relationship is. If one does not do this, the relationship can be damaged and the conflict may not be won. 

Looking Out/Looking In Chapters 9 and 10

Chapter 9

Chapter 9 of Looking Out/In deals with intimacy. Intimacy is defined as getting close with another person. The dimensions of intimacy are physical, intellectual, emotional, and shared activities. Intellectual intimacy is the one that is easiest for me to grasp. I enjoy sharing ideas with people. Philosophy is one of my interests, and I often discuss and argue it with my friends.

Physical intimacy is something that everyone seems to need. If one has not been touched by another person in a while, they often feel that something is missing from their life.

Emotional intimacy is the sharing of important feelings. This is not something I normally do.

Shared activities are something that I participate in. I do enjoy sports and music with friends. These activities do make friends feel closer.

Intimacy is influenced by culture. I come from the South, where emotional intimacy is typically not explored. Someone from the Northern part of this country would possibly have a different preferred style of expressing intimacy.

Chapter 10

Chapter 10 is about improving communication climates. A communication climate is the state of emotional tone of someone's relationship with another. To improve it is the key to a positive relationship. 

The relationship's climate is based mostly on how valued each person in it feels. In order to preserve the relationship in a positive way, one should make sure that the other person in the relationship feels valued. Confirming messages make one feel valued, and disconfirming messages make one feel unvalued. 

A positive communication climate can become a positive spiral. It continues once developed. Likewise, a negative climate can develop into a spiral. This can destroy a relationship.

Celebrity News Watch

The son of Robert F. Kennedy, Douglas Kennedy, is on trial for assaulting two nurses. According to the nurses, he was in the act of taking his newborn son out of the maternity ward when they noticed his action and tried to stop him. When they confronted him, he got physically violent with them. He twisted one of their arms and kicked the other. He is charged with harassment and child endangerment. The nurses maintain that the infant had not been discharged and that it would have been dangerous to its well-being if he had removed it from the hospital. They also said that they did not recognize Mr. Kennedy as the father. Mr. Kennedy says that the nurses had initially agreed to let him take the baby out for air and then decided to stop him. He says that they tried to take the baby out of his arms and that no one has the right to do that to a parent. Because the nurses tried to take the baby, he got physical with them.
This whole situation could have been if Mr. Kennedy had more effectively communicated his intentions and had respected the nurses when they told him not to remove the child. If he had used the assertive message format (state behavior, give interpretation, share feeling, let them know the consequence of their actions, and giving his intentions) the situation could have been handled verbally, without having to resort to violence.

Looking Out/Looking In chapters 7 and 8

Chapter 7 of this book is about listening. Listening is different than hearing. Listening is making sense of the things that one hears, were as hearing is just the physiological process of receiving sound waves in the brain. One can listen mindlessly, without actually listening. One should strive to listen while giving careful attention to what is being said.

The different elements of listening are hearing, attending, understanding, responding, and remembering.

Listening is much harder than speaking for most people. Ineffective types of listening include pseudo-listening, stage hogging, insulated listening, defensive listening, ambushing, and insensitive listening. I especially tend to pseudolisten. If someone is running on and on, or saying nothing interesting, I just pretend to listen without actually doing it. 

If one has problems listening, they can remove distractions, talk less, keep from judging prematurely, and looking for the key things being said. Most people are not perfect listeners. I especially have problems with listening sometimes.

There are different responses to messages being received, and these include prompting, questioning, paraphrasing, supporting, analyzing, advising, and judging. There is no one absolute best way to respond. 

Chapter 8

Chapter 8 is about relationships. The main things people look for when forming relationships are appearance, similarity, reciprocal action, and proximity, among other things. Many relationships are formed for self-serving purposes. 

The stages of a relationship beginning are initiating, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, and bonding. The stages of a relationship ending are differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, and terminating.

Relationships can be stuck at any stage for a while, and may deteriorate at any stage. Not all relationships end. Some continue at the bonding stage for many years or until someone dies. The decline of a relationship can be reversed. 

It is important to remember that relationships are affected by culture. People from different cultures do things differently. Some cultures have arranged marriages. Because of these cultural differences, challenges can arise. Relationships require maintenance. If one drops the relationship, or leaves it alone, it begins to decline. Also, relationships require commitment. If one doesn't commit to a relationship, it is doomed. It takes at least two people to have a relationship.

Looking Out/Looking In chapters 5 and 6

Chapter 5

Chapter 5 of this book deals with language and its meanings. Language is symbolic sounds that represent an idea, not a literal expression for the most part. This symbolism allows communication about things that are not present or concrete.

The abstraction of language raises some problems. Because of this, communicating with other people can create misunderstandings. By understanding someone else's cultural differences, communication can be more effective.
This is important in today's world of multiculturalism. People have more contact with other cultures, and must learn to communicate with them in order to accomplish goals.
The chapter also discusses responsibility language, such as "It" statements, "But" statements, and "I and You" statements. An "It" statement puts the responsibility of the message indirectly at someone else. "But" statements are used to separate positive and negative parts of the message. "I" statements are used to accept responsibility of the message. "You" statements expresses a judgement of the other person.
"I" statements are usually the best way to communicate a message.
I sometimes do not make "I" statements when I should. If I wanted to communicate more effectively without overly damaging someone else, I would be better off using "I" statements. "We" statements are another way of accomplishing this, but I personally don't like using "we" statements.
Communication can be different among the sexes. Men talk more about things like sports, music, and business; women talk more about relationships, personal stuff, and related items. For the most part my talk fits the stereotype.
Different cultures have different contexts. American and European culture is more low context, with straightforward talk. Asian and Middle Eastern culture is more high context, with one less likely to get a straight answer to a question. Neither is better or worse. Low context culture is used to express ideas as directly as possible. High context culture is used to maintain social harmony.

Chapter 6


Chapter 6 deals with nonverbal and related communication styles. Nonverbal communication skills are necessary for dealing with other people. They serve several important functions in communication, such as repetition, complementing, substitution, accenting, regulation, and contradiction.

Nonverbal communication can be used to communicate entirely on its own, but the most efficient usage of it is to complement verbal communication. Nonverbal communication on its own can be ambiguous and interpreted in many different ways. Verbal communication makes it clearer.

Nonverbal messages are different in different cultures. What may be an acceptable gesture in one culture is an insult in another culture.

As a result, nonverbal communication should be used, in my opinion, as sparingly as possible. If one wants to communicate something, it should be directly with words.

Looking Out/Looking In Chapters 3 and 4

Chapter three deals mainly with perception. Perception is something I have problems with. I sometimes think someone is acting a certain way for a reason that is not the correct one.

To really find a reason for a way someone else communicates in a certain situation, many things must be taken into account. These include physical condition, biological cycles, and how they are perceiving the other communicator.

A first impression of someone can cause either positive or negative ideas to develop about that person.
I have committed this error many times.

By assuming things about other people, one can jump to the wrong conclusions. I have done this many times, and it always worked out badly for me.

One thing this chapter helped me realize is to communicate very effectively with someone else, one must develop empathy for that person. This allows us to put ourselves in the other person's point of view, and can eliminate many communication errors.

Chapter 4

Chapter four deals mainly with emotions. Emotions have a very powerful presence in any communication. There are many factors that affect emotions, such as physiological factors and personality.

One's culture affects how they display emotion. Our modern culture in America is very emotionally expressive, and tends to encourage others to be emotionally expressive. This is not always a wholesome thing. Emotions are powerful, and they are fleeting. If one fully expresses an emotion, they can later on feel regret for what they did. One can also hurt others if they fully express their negative emotions about somebody. I believe that it is better to be moderate in emotional expression, in either positive or negative forms.

One's emotions can also influence other people. Emotional contagion is the action of spreading certain emotions through people. If someone displays a certain emotion, others are likely to display the same emotion even if they didn't feel it originally.

One problem with being overly emotional is to allow a debilitative emotion to control you.
People often allow this to happen and subscribe to certain fallacies. These fallacies include trying to be perfect, seeking approval, and over generalizing your own or other's behaviors.