In communication, self-disclosure is the act of revealing important information about situations that is not obvious to other people. The information can be about personal feelings, or other's appearance, or anything. Self disclosure is important, but if done in the wrong way and at the wrong time it can be hurtful to relationships.
A good example of self-disclosure being harmful is in the movie Liar Liar. In this movie, a brilliant lawyer named Fletcher Reede (played by Jim Carrey) makes his career out of lying, or at the very least, not disclosing the truth. His ability to distort the truth has made him one of the best defense lawyers in the state. It has also cost him his marriage and damaged his relationship with his son Max.
Max looks up to him and loves him, but Fletcher rarely has time to do things with him. He always promises that he will spend time with Max, and almost always breaks his promises. He misses his son's fifth birthday party, and his son makes a wish that Fletcher will be unable to lie for 24 hours.
The wish comes true. Fletcher finds himself unable to tell anybody a lie for a whole day. This results in him hurting other's feelings and getting in trouble. In one scene, he calls an overweight coworker a "fatty." In another scene, he tells a girl that her hair looks awful. He also discloses to his secretary that there was no good reason for her not getting a raise, which makes her angry enough to quit her job.
The biggest problem that this absolute truthfulness creates for Fletcher is for his next case. This involves a woman who has committed adultery and is being divorced from her husband. Due to a prenuptial agreement, she cannot have any of his money if she commits adultery and gets divorced. She wants half of the money and wants Fletcher to help her. Before his son's wish, he had agreed, because winning the case would advance his career. To present an effective defense, however, he would have to lie, and he is now unable to do so.
Fletcher ends up going far out of his way to delay the case until the next day when he will be able to lie. He is unable to do this, but ends up finding a way to win it truthfully. After winning it, he gets a conscience attack and realizes he is in the wrong. He vows to make his family the priority of his life, and he succeeds by the end of the movie.
The element that struck me the most about this film was that absolute self disclosure can be more hurtful and cause more problems than lying, and that telling the 100 percent truth is not always the ethical thing to do. It is not only easier to withhold self disclosure; in some situations, self disclosure is wrong. For example, calling a coworker a fatty may be true but it hurts feelings and damages the relationship. In a situation like that, it is better not to say anything. On the other hand, never telling the truth is just as harmful. Breaking promises will ruin a relationship. The best way to go is to find a balance between self disclosure and lying. By following this path, one can avoid hurting others as much as possible.
One example of meta communication in this film is that Fletcher's ex wife, Audrey, is so used to his lies that when he tells truths she cannot believe them and calls him a liar. This almost ruins his relationship with Max. She thinks that he is lying about wanting to see Max, and almost moves across the country for good without letting him see Max. When she finally realizes that he is telling the truth, she forgives him.
The character that reminds me most of myself is Max. Max places a priority on spending time with his father, as I do. He also is upset when people break promises, as I am.
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