Celebrity News Watch

The son of Robert F. Kennedy, Douglas Kennedy, is on trial for assaulting two nurses. According to the nurses, he was in the act of taking his newborn son out of the maternity ward when they noticed his action and tried to stop him. When they confronted him, he got physically violent with them. He twisted one of their arms and kicked the other. He is charged with harassment and child endangerment. The nurses maintain that the infant had not been discharged and that it would have been dangerous to its well-being if he had removed it from the hospital. They also said that they did not recognize Mr. Kennedy as the father. Mr. Kennedy says that the nurses had initially agreed to let him take the baby out for air and then decided to stop him. He says that they tried to take the baby out of his arms and that no one has the right to do that to a parent. Because the nurses tried to take the baby, he got physical with them.
This whole situation could have been if Mr. Kennedy had more effectively communicated his intentions and had respected the nurses when they told him not to remove the child. If he had used the assertive message format (state behavior, give interpretation, share feeling, let them know the consequence of their actions, and giving his intentions) the situation could have been handled verbally, without having to resort to violence.

Looking Out/Looking In chapters 7 and 8

Chapter 7 of this book is about listening. Listening is different than hearing. Listening is making sense of the things that one hears, were as hearing is just the physiological process of receiving sound waves in the brain. One can listen mindlessly, without actually listening. One should strive to listen while giving careful attention to what is being said.

The different elements of listening are hearing, attending, understanding, responding, and remembering.

Listening is much harder than speaking for most people. Ineffective types of listening include pseudo-listening, stage hogging, insulated listening, defensive listening, ambushing, and insensitive listening. I especially tend to pseudolisten. If someone is running on and on, or saying nothing interesting, I just pretend to listen without actually doing it. 

If one has problems listening, they can remove distractions, talk less, keep from judging prematurely, and looking for the key things being said. Most people are not perfect listeners. I especially have problems with listening sometimes.

There are different responses to messages being received, and these include prompting, questioning, paraphrasing, supporting, analyzing, advising, and judging. There is no one absolute best way to respond. 

Chapter 8

Chapter 8 is about relationships. The main things people look for when forming relationships are appearance, similarity, reciprocal action, and proximity, among other things. Many relationships are formed for self-serving purposes. 

The stages of a relationship beginning are initiating, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, and bonding. The stages of a relationship ending are differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, and terminating.

Relationships can be stuck at any stage for a while, and may deteriorate at any stage. Not all relationships end. Some continue at the bonding stage for many years or until someone dies. The decline of a relationship can be reversed. 

It is important to remember that relationships are affected by culture. People from different cultures do things differently. Some cultures have arranged marriages. Because of these cultural differences, challenges can arise. Relationships require maintenance. If one drops the relationship, or leaves it alone, it begins to decline. Also, relationships require commitment. If one doesn't commit to a relationship, it is doomed. It takes at least two people to have a relationship.

Looking Out/Looking In chapters 5 and 6

Chapter 5

Chapter 5 of this book deals with language and its meanings. Language is symbolic sounds that represent an idea, not a literal expression for the most part. This symbolism allows communication about things that are not present or concrete.

The abstraction of language raises some problems. Because of this, communicating with other people can create misunderstandings. By understanding someone else's cultural differences, communication can be more effective.
This is important in today's world of multiculturalism. People have more contact with other cultures, and must learn to communicate with them in order to accomplish goals.
The chapter also discusses responsibility language, such as "It" statements, "But" statements, and "I and You" statements. An "It" statement puts the responsibility of the message indirectly at someone else. "But" statements are used to separate positive and negative parts of the message. "I" statements are used to accept responsibility of the message. "You" statements expresses a judgement of the other person.
"I" statements are usually the best way to communicate a message.
I sometimes do not make "I" statements when I should. If I wanted to communicate more effectively without overly damaging someone else, I would be better off using "I" statements. "We" statements are another way of accomplishing this, but I personally don't like using "we" statements.
Communication can be different among the sexes. Men talk more about things like sports, music, and business; women talk more about relationships, personal stuff, and related items. For the most part my talk fits the stereotype.
Different cultures have different contexts. American and European culture is more low context, with straightforward talk. Asian and Middle Eastern culture is more high context, with one less likely to get a straight answer to a question. Neither is better or worse. Low context culture is used to express ideas as directly as possible. High context culture is used to maintain social harmony.

Chapter 6


Chapter 6 deals with nonverbal and related communication styles. Nonverbal communication skills are necessary for dealing with other people. They serve several important functions in communication, such as repetition, complementing, substitution, accenting, regulation, and contradiction.

Nonverbal communication can be used to communicate entirely on its own, but the most efficient usage of it is to complement verbal communication. Nonverbal communication on its own can be ambiguous and interpreted in many different ways. Verbal communication makes it clearer.

Nonverbal messages are different in different cultures. What may be an acceptable gesture in one culture is an insult in another culture.

As a result, nonverbal communication should be used, in my opinion, as sparingly as possible. If one wants to communicate something, it should be directly with words.